As promised I will keep you all fully updated during this bulking process. Thankfully I seem to have banished those negative body image attitudes. I finally feel ok about the extra weight gain, which actually isn’t something  I thought I would feel ok about ever. Yes I am a bit softer, my arms have INSTANTLY gripped onto every bit of fat they could find, typical, but the extra weight is creating some nice curves, and actually sitting on my frame a lot more comfortably that it ever was before.

My latest concern, because being me, a worrier, an over thinker and a Virgo, once I banish one fear another one creeps up into its place; is that I wont gain muscle.

I know that this is the only way to gain muscle, people have told me, I have seen my boyfriend do it, I have listened to podcasts, read it online and in books. I KNOW this, I know I have followed all the right steps. After my diet I carefully reverse dieted in order to keep my metabolism in check, I increased my carb intake on this bulk carefully, and I haven’t caused any damage to my metabolism.

BUT, and this is a big one, I have never done it, I have no real proof that me, my body will respond to this, which is very scary. I think this fear has led me to really get into my head about it, and I have begun focusing way to much on the numbers on the weights I’m lifting, because in my head numbers increasing MUST mean I am growing. I have checked myself and I am now going to focus my head during my sessions and concentrate, on yes, lifting heavy, but most importantly keeping my muscles under tension.

When you really think about it, its not the weight that’s important…Big revelation I know, but its keeping your muscle under tension. Picture the slim female painter and decorator with guns of steel, she doesn’t use a heavier brush or roller every day, or heavier paint, she just constantly keeps her muscles under tension which creates growth.

Feeling more confident in how I look, and getting used to being softer. Learning to actually enjoy the fact that I can eat more carbs which I love, and I am now going to attempt to beat this newest fear. I will concentrate on keeping my muscles under tension and TRUST that they will grow. I am doing everything right, I need to enjoy this journey, work hard, and I will reap the rewards. I HAVE TO.